There has been something whirling around in my head for awhile now, and I’m trying to look it in the eye with some extra love rather than ignore it and retreat in defeat, avoidance, anxiousness, etc. It’s something I know I’m not alone in by far. I know SO many mamas out there struggle with it, too. It’s the whole balancing act between being a full-time mama and being an artist. I’ve been trying not to think of these as separate, knowing full well that being a mama IS quite creative.  It’s more about actually creating “art” –because I want+need to and because it makes me happy. I miss it.

I have really been shy and have had mixed feelings about blogging, too, since I rarely have new art to share. (That was the reason I started blogging). I even stopped looking at a lot of blogs, because I have a lot less time, but also because it’s kinda discouraging.

I feel like my art has been on hold with the exception of short spurts here or there. The how-and-when really stump me. Every week is different, too. Sometimes I think I’ve found something that works, and then next week, it doesn’t. And sometimes I feel a little lost or like I’m falling behind.

I really can see the bigger picture though and know that time flies faster than my struggles. AND, I wouldn’t trade my time with Tulsi for anything! This is just my present moment, and I’m noticing that. I know some friends have this “perfect” picture of me, imagining me easily keeping up with everything and doing my art. Um, no. Not quite. But I certainly try. One thing that does make me feel more positive is seeing friends like Amy (with a grown-up kid) who is doing her art full-on and very successful. And so I know I won’t stop being an artist, even if I’ve slowed some for now.

It’s nice that I don’t spend too much time thinking about all this during the days. I’m too busy playing with my girl! Today was one of those ‘most’ perfectly perfect days in every way. We spent almost all day outside and in the greenhouse… I just love that Tulsi loves playing in dirt (which was her 2nd word in between turtle and tree). She was so content while I transplanted broccoli, cauliflower, zinnias, marigolds, and lettuces… It is going to be fun when she can start helping more, too. Here’s a dreamy glimpse of just a fraction of our greenhouse! It is nutzoid.

We had our first farmer’s market meeting last week! The thought of having a stand at the market all season is SO exciting. It’s such a fun way to be a part of our community and to inspire people with flowers and organic food. I think Tulsi will love it, too. The first market day is May 15th, and we are planning to sell veggie and herb starts, annual and perrenial flower starts, and bulk basil, mixed salad greens, kale, chard, spinach, arugula, and more. I gotta start thinking of signage and ways to make our stand super sweet and fun!

The other REALLY exciting news here on the homestead relates back to my struggle with art and time… I know this may not be the end-all answer, BUT, it may very well be a HUGE help. In this picture (my view from the greenhouse), Patrick is busy digging the foundation trench for our bedroom!! Yep, that’s right. Our wee, one-room house is about to grow…meaning, I can actually work at night when Tulsi is sleeping…I’ll be able to turn my studio lights ON and even make a little noise, and, as long as I have the energy, I can see to paint! Yay!!!  (I have a feeling that the energy will come with the freedom/space to create!)

If all goes well, it will be finished the end of May. We are doing strawbale construction, a natural form of building that is super insulated and perfect for here. It will have mud walls and a mud floor. I keep telling Tulsi, “We’re making you a dirt room!” Another great part of it is that Patrick is building it with our builder-friend, who promises to demystify building. Every guy’s dream, right? I’m already making a list of future building projects for Patrick to tackle…a mudroom, chicken coop, meditation/yoga hut, a studio…

I know I’m a little all over the place in this post, but it helps me to see once again how energy follows thought. And with persistence, patience, heart and sweat, soon something will change.