I wrote that last post not knowing if I’d delete it or edit it down into just the positives. I’m a pretty private person on certain levels so I tend to share some things and not others. But I’m so glad I shared that — the part about feeling the rough spots of searching (and struggling) to find balance with Mamahood and my art. As I started to read so many comments and emails from other mama-artists on the same path, I felt more and more relief! And when I got to Dona’s comment reminding me about this film, Who Does She Think She Is?, I immediately watched the trailer and cried! Cried and laughed and felt like, “YES! Thank you.”
Another GIANT exhale of relief. And then an even bigger inhale of energy feeding every bit of my passion for both being a mother and being an artist.
I want to run out and watch this film, but it’s not out with Netflix yet. I actually had the chance to see it when I was pregnant, but I couldn’t make it to the viewing in town. I don’t think I could have really ‘gotten’ it then anyway. Mayumi Oda, who is interviewed in the film, is one of my favorite contemporary woman artists. Patrick introduced me to her work after he met her several years ago in Hawaii and she gave him a couple signed books of hers. (He also bought one of her Ganesha prints for a friend, and this Ganesha is AMAZING. And curvy, feminine, and full of shakti. So radically rare in an image of Ganesh. I stare at him every time I visit our friend’s home.) In one of her books, she wrote about her struggle with being an artist in a man-art world, especially while being a mother. I’ve been reading and rereading it lately. Again, relief. Energy. Inspiration.
Check out the film’s youtube station for more interviews, too…
I also remembered something I shared in an interview a couple months ago … about how mamahood resembles times when I’ve traveled in foreign countries for extended periods of time. While it’s true that I spend a lot of time in my sketchbooks while I travel and I’m not so much now, it’s also true that this whole year has been the most incredible journey that has filled me to the rim and then some. It’s nice to come back to previously discovered realizations that I maybe forgot in the present moment. To remember “aha” moments and say, “YES!”
Another “aha” moment…I noticed yesterday after a somewhat rare couple hours in my studio — it doesn’t take much art-time right now to fill me up in that art-soul-nourishing way. I love and appreciate that. Because, really, right now, I don’t desire to spend much more time than that in my studio each day/night…I don’t want to miss anything with Tulsi! I’m really quite attached to her! Someone commented about having a lot more time when she goes off to school in a few years, and I giggled to myself, since we are planning on homeschooling. Another friend (an artist/mama of two) recently told me, “It’s actually not harder with two babes because you don’t have to become a mother all over (for the first time) again. You don’t have to go thru that process of letting go of your previous self and figure out how you(r artist) self fits in with being a mama.”
Tulsi had her first ride on a radio flyer this weekend. We went to visit a friend, the horse. She was shrieking and shaking her head with delight. (Of course, you might not know that from the picture since she’s not into documenting that on camera.) So much wonder and sweet simplicity. Being a mother has become a huge part of my spiritual practice. She is my walking-swinging-sleeping meditation, and I am learning so much from her (about love and life and about myself).